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synesthetic · passages


letting the past decide my reasons

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whoa, lj still exists
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 dear life,
i know i jumped the gun on claiming to be happy, and was silly to think i could "have it all", but really? did you really have to throw THIS in the mix? im sorry, but i am not appreciative.

sincerely,
courtney

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i don't understand how being stressed over my own situation is in any way placing blame on somebody else. there is no blame, shit just happens. but evidently, regardless of what i think or say, im a shitty person for having feelings and being stressed, because for some reason i can't understand, it equals me placing blame on someone and hurting them.  

i have zero expectations for anyone, why do people assume that i expect anything from them when i talk about being upset. you ask me how i am, you're going to get an honest answer, you ask me why, again you will get an honest answer. shit happens sometimes, life sucks sometimes, some moments emotions take hold and it takes a bit for you to pull yourself out, but that in no way is equal to expecting someone to fix it, or expecting someone to take blame.

assuming someone has expectations of you or anyone else is setting yourself and the other person up for a lot of upset... :/

 

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 any of ya into the band elegant machinery? would you go see them if they played in seattle?

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 i are so effin' in love, it even makes myself sick....

in other news, i don't work tomorrow, so figure i should take the opportunity to go out on a saturday night... what's going on? who's going where? 


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 steak and strippers, 2pm on tuesday. be there!

<3

current sentiment::
giddy giddy
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&nbsp;going to pdx monday night, for a shoot tuesday morning! it's been WAY too long since i've been down there!

hope to see lots of people <3

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 so, we got back together. bliss. giddiness. happiness. all of it, the past 3 days have been filled with them. better this time, perfect this time, ready this time.... only problem is, his friends aren't accepting of me, or him being in a relationship. he tells me over and over that its not my fault, and i shouldn't worry, but it kills me to watch him get so upset. there's no hiding this time, people should be happy for him, he's happy, but instead they, one in particular, are dragging him down... they don't even know me :/

three days of bliss were rattled a bit last night and this morning because of this. im trying to just support him, and makes sure he knows that... but it's really getting to me, not just making me sad, but fucking infuriating me! he's finally picking himself up, taking actions to do the things in life he wants to do, he being happy! and they're tearing it all down... it's killing me to watch and not be able to do anything but attempt to comfort him :/  why are people so resistant to change? why do they feel a need to control someone's life and choose what does or doesn't make them happy... i just don't fucking get it.... 
Current Location:
home
current sentiment::
anxious anxious
resonating is::
in this together, apop
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just loooooooooooooooooooooves getting shoved out of peopel's lives for miscommunication! woot! 

i really need to learn how to let people go :/

Current Location:
home
current sentiment::
used
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